Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Backyard Morbidity



Dress - Pop Boutique London, ASOS
Melting latex leggings - URB Clothing
Socks - Shanghai
Mary-janes - Dr. Martens
Lips: Lime Crime Velvetine in Salem
Eyes: Lime Crime Grunge Palette


On Wednesdays we wear black

I feel like I'm reliving my teenage rebelling phase, going against the currents of everything conventional. Those were the years when teen Uli's free time revolved around leaving testimonials on Friendster, sending mp3 files over MSN and browsing Emily The Strange merchandise (which I never bought online because shipping then was sky-rocketing for a high school student). I think my interest for the Goth subculture stemmed from childhood, with The Addams Family being my earliest memory. I watched them on Cartoon Network, recalling quite vividly its catchy theme song and bizarre storyline. Thinking back, it was a pretty morbid children film, isn't it?

So long story short, Jing and I decided to go ahead and shoot a Wednesday Addams inspired photo story. A serious collared dress and child-like Mary-Janes are musts for Wednesday. Lucky me scored this dress for just $16. I layered some sick latex leggings beneath to make the outfit more graphic and slightly grotesque, a juxtaposition against the prim frock. The makeup played a big part too, with key products being the matte lip paint and rusty eyeshadows from Lime Crime.

No doubt my style evolved over the years, but I have always felt a dark, somber undercurrent to them. Because of how dramatic a full blown gothic look normally is, I was often hesitant. Not sure if it's the recent gothic inspired runway shows or just instincts, lately I have not been holding back. This may sound exaggerating but I even wrote an essay on the Goth subculture for my university assignment! Yeah...this urge must have been accumulating this years. Wonder how long will this phase last. For now, I'll be living in my leather gear, harness and dark lips.


Photos by Yun Jing

Monday, December 8, 2014

Asylum


Dress - Mia Han
Shoes - Charles & Keith
Lip colour - Rihanna X M.A.C in Nude


One, two, who's playing hide and seek?
Three four, who wants to come find me?
Five, six, who's hiding in the dark?
Seven, eight, come out, come out,
wherever you are.
Nine, ten.
Dead.


It has been exactly a month since I last wrote. I feel a little disorientated, a little guilty, like I have fallen off a bicycle on a rocky road, trying to get back on my feet. Or rather, continue to paddle wounded. A lot has happened over the last month. It's a point in my life when I can say my life is flashing past me in an exponential rate. But then again, time is relative and if it gets any faster in the future, I might just run out of vocabulary to express how I feel.

The past three years with Dressabelle was great. I remember starting out writing to them with hopes of becoming a model. At that time, they didn't have a place for me but offered me clothes anyway so I could photograph and write for them. Months passed and I began writing for their weekly column 'Look Book Friday'. Even though my personal style differed vastly from the girl-next-door persona of Dressabelle, it was incredibly fun and rewarding to style a girly piece to my imagination. My boss is the nicest corporate person I have ever met, and I made a few close friendships too, one of them being Jing who photographs me quite often. Fast forward, I left Dressabelle earlier this month and to begin my full time internship. Leaving a company which I have enjoyed working at for so long was a bittersweet feeling. Somewhere in my heart, I didn't want to leave, and that sense of refusal scared me. It was as if I was so used to environment that I might have lost the courage go beyond my comfort zone. And if you have watched the movie Shawshank Redemption, you would know 'institutionalisation' can trap a soul. I had to break free of that.

Earlier this year, I lost my scholarship at Lasalle. I never talked to anyone (besides my close friends) openly about this until now. I feel like I am at a turning point in my life and it doesn't matter if you knew. My scholarship application failed because my grades did not meet the cut-off point indicated by the school. Having being a scholar for my first year of study, I couldn't accept the bad news. I remember reading that email over and over again, wondering what went wrong. I consider myself a decent student who takes her education seriously, but it all boils down to the fact that I was not good enough. No matter how my good friends tried to talk me out of self-loathe, and my parents telling me it was fine, I knew deep in my heart that I just lost something that was so important to me. All my life I have never been high achiever academically. I was never nominated as a prefect in secondary school, never topped an exam, being 'that student' who always went for retests, and failed my Amath for 'O' levels. When I came into Lasalle, I was surprised that I did decently, which also won me a scholarship in the beginning. For that one year titled a scholar, I held my head high, felt determined that I could do anything, and told myself that I wasn't that bad after all. All that changed when my second year scholarship was rejected. I felt lousy, trashed, and pitied myself. For awhile, my faith was wavered, my confidence shaken. Over the past semester, I became a lot quieter in school and lost my drive. I didn't feel important, and tried to avoid discussion on grades. A classmate asked if score was important to me. Honestly, I didn't know how to answer. I wish I'd say score doesn't matter. But it does, even if you're studying in an arts school.

I like to live by this quote Rihanna once said, "never a mistake, always a lesson". No, there's no miracle. But I am a lot more in terms with whatever's happened now. Just two weeks ago, my school semester concluded with the UNSEEN: Vintage Redefined event which you might have seen me posting about on Instagram. I saw photos that I photographed printed out and hung up. The necklaces my team and I made sold more than we expected, and I had a fantastic time with my team. As a student, one of the most rewarding feelings is seeing your work come to life and getting approval from others. At that very moment, I felt like I have accomplished something. All those failures, late nights and self-doubt felt irrelevant. My team wore our creations proudly, and felt grateful for our enduring friendship. Not everyone can claim friendship at workplaces, right?

I turned 21 on 2 November this year. It's difficult to wrap around the fact just how time flies and I am legally an adult. There were no fancy parties or dinners, just a simple get-together with my boyfriend and close friends. Despite all the flamboyant 21st birthday party held all throughout this year, I never wished for one. I saw those $200 cakes and long guest lists as a waste of money, time and meaningless conversations. All I wanted was a day to sleep in, but working part time while studying was incredibly challenging. I am always out of the house, if not staying up doing work. Being constantly occupied made me feel like my life was slowly seeping out of me, my life becoming a routine. The lack of rest took a toll on my health, at times causing pain to my already curved backbone. My biggest question for my 21st: why are we not making time for ourselves?

Okay my rambling is out of control. Sorry if whatever's up there makes no sense, but I couldn't help letting out my thoughts because who knows I might decide to bottle up the next minute. Just want to say thank you for staying with me through this long hiatus. I have neglected this space for way too long, it feels comforting to be typing away without the need to seek approval. It my space where I write what I want, however I want, a space nobody gets to invade. For now, I will get back on my feet and follow my instincts. Because life is too fucking short to be dwelling in yesterday. 


Photos by Yun Jing.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Getting There


 Scuba biker jacket, leather pleat skirt, mesh t-shirt all c/o Dressabelle
Sandal heels - New Look
Lips - Dior Addict Lipstick in Paris

I'm in the final week of my school semester. Ahh...how time flies. I know I always write about the weather and school, which sound like really boring topics to be writing about here but truth is my life pretty much revolves around them. When life is turning into a routine, I try to perk myself up by trying new things, like listening to new music, changing up my room a bit or try new styles. I am always armed in layers when in school because of the overly blasted air conditioner, so outerwear is an item which I'm always on the hunt for more. This scuba biker jacker is a great alternative to leather ones I own. Not only it's slightly more soft and breathable, powder pink is also a cute colour to do especially when I'm not even a pink person to begin with. It's pretty subtle and I find salmon/ pink tones work wonderfully with blue all the time, hence the blue pleats. Pretty pleased with this combination I'd say! Besides outfits, I've been listening to a lot of rap music lately. For some strange reason it really helps me focus when I'm working. Alright, enough for now. Catch up on Instagram, gotta work now! #werk

Friday, October 31, 2014

Attention



Safari shirt dress - c/o Dressabelle
Leather oxford boots - Shanghai
Belt - vintage
Lip colour - Topshop lip paint in Jealous

Happy Halloween! It's all pumpkins and trick or treatin I'm thinking of in my head right now, but ironically, I have neither carved a pumpkin in my life nor have I actually walked through my neighbourhood knocking for candy. Just reminds me how the media could really get into our heads. huh? What are you guys doing this Halloween? I've never been a huge dresser for the occasion (well I have dressed up as a pirate once), but my personal tends to be quite thematic in my own imagination. Let's say if I was wearing a floral jumpsuit, you can be sure I'd grab my beetle ring and stone necklaces to complete the "earthy" look. Similarly, since I have on a military inspired dress today, I decided to go with a fitting belt with oversized buckles and dangling chain. Belts on military uniforms have always appealed to me. Especially when utilitarian wear is huge this season, that makes the perfect excuse to wear retro belts, the bigger the buckle the merrier! Have a good weekend everyone, speak soon. <3

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Urban Warrior


Mesh panel dress - c/o Dressabelle
Slit dress - c/o Oak And Bones
Earrings - H&M
Leather 'trash' bag - m)Phosis
Stilettos - borrowed

Every once in awhile, we all need a little empowerment. Whether we choose to channel an attitude through a bright red lip, or decide to slip into our beaten up sneakers because heels are really not worth the effort, it is as if with a single element of dress we could form a barrier between ourselves and the world. I felt especially inspired by the AWANG X HM collection. Okay let's put aside all that media rave for a moment, and think about just how powerful a statement the collection is trying to make. If you have seen the collection already, it would occur to you that the entire line, staying true to the AWANG aesthetic, is inspired by modern hi-tech sportswear. What really impressed me was its consistent grey colour palette (with the exception of occasional pops of accent colours) which pretty much represents the every day commuter; an individual part of the homogenous smart phone generation, quietly blending in yet a fighter of a mad rat race. The image of the Urban Warrior is practical, smart and very much a uniform. That's the look I'm trying to recreate today in my own style. What I love most about this outfit is the poofed up sleeves that subtly create a power silhouette...just what I needed to survive a rough week. To streamline a top heavy proportion, I layered a slim fitting dress underneath with slit zipper details to match my sweater. And knowing me, I love unexpected details. Finished look with costume jewellery and stilettos, because why not?

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